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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22719376">oh maybe, maybe, this might be love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotbahp/pseuds/gotbahp'>gotbahp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, MFAL Study</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:01:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22719376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotbahp/pseuds/gotbahp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“So I’ve heard that Renjun and you aren’t on speaking terms.” Donghyuck starts as a piece of meat dangles precariously in between chopsticks.</p><p>Jeno shrugs noncommittally. “He wants to break up with me.”</p><p>“That isn’t what I’ve heard.”</p><p>“I know what I’ve heard. I’m the one in the relationship.” Jeno bites back.</p><p> </p><p>(Or: As Renjun and Jeno work on the cracks of their relationship, they unwittingly involve the rest of the Dreamies as well.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>285</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>oh maybe, maybe, this might be love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic can only happen because I stumbled onto a very interesting post on Weibo providing 'pieces of evidence' that a fight between Renjun x Jeno might have happened, something similar to the legendary 'Markhyuck Summer Fight' that everyone might have heard of.</p><p>And because I live for soap dramas and conflict and dreamies and the like, the events of the fic follows closely to actual events and content of the dreamies.</p><p> </p><p>🎶My first and Last - NCT Dream 🎶</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lovebirds are at it again.</p><p>‘At it’ in the definition of them in a lover’s spat, and rather puzzling, it has happened for several occasions thus far. They must have fought late in the night because Jisung vaguely recalled them still snuggly watching a movie when he turned in for the night. On normal days they would mash faces together at every waking opportunity. But now, even with his brain still muddled with sleep, Jisung still could sense the tension, the silence palpable and incredibly jarring when the dormitory is bustling with the arrival of their managers and stylists.</p><p>Soon, it doesn’t take much for everyone to realize that the air is different today. Jisung met eyes with his manager hyung, who tilted his head in question. <em>I have no idea, </em>he shrugs back. Everyone’s treading on some fine ice around them mere hours before they are scheduled to jet off to another country, the name Jisung has already forgotten from their monthly briefings.</p><p>Looking back, their relationship has never been much of a surprise in their group, even the 127 hyungs knew in a short period. There was the telling chemistry that sparked when they debuted, the bubbling attraction that grew from the bond of long choreography practices and covert street food runs. Once, Jisung woke up in the middle of the night for the bathroom to find the light in Jeno’s room still switched on, sounds of muffled conversations heard from the door. The situation was bewildering, why would they sacrifice sleep when conversations that verged on trivial could totally be picked up again later in the day?</p><p>Over the subsequent years, he would also find himself with the most peculiar ability to catch them in the act of physical and mental affections, and it was traumatic in the mildest terms because it’s not like he wants to be a witness of their affections in any degree, <em>thanks but no thanks.</em></p><p>“Hyung?” Jisung whispers, a barely-there finger on Renjun’s shoulder when they are riding the car to the airport. He’s at the back of the car with him, Jaemin and Chenle in front, and lastly Jeno at the passenger seat. Donghyuck would only arrive hours later, arriving from Japan after the 127 hyungs' concert. The creases in between Renjun’s brows deepens, and he picks out one of his AirPods to give his attention.</p><p>“Did you… quarrel with Jeno hyung again?”</p><p>Renjun stares, unimpressed at the insinuation, his arms crossed in defence. “What makes you think this time around is my fault? He started it.”</p><p>“Don’t be mad, I’m just helping.” He pouts, his hands clamping up as he fidgeted under Renjun’s scrutiny. </p><p>Renjun sighs and puts a hand on Jisung’s lap, his stance softening. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I have to be professional about this.”</p><p>“So you’re going to talk things out with him?” Jisung asks expectantly.</p><p>“Of course not? We are on a schedule. Strictly only business for now.” He concludes, sticking the AirPod back in a huff. His expression quickly turns frosty, rationality so shortlived, if it wasn't so tragic, it could actually be funny.</p><p>Jisung slumps back on his seat in exasperation, advice fallen on deaf ears. He could politely mention that there’s nothing professional about dating a member within the same group, but he keeps it to himself since getting the cold treatment from Renjun is never a good idea if he wants to be regularly fed. He says a quick prayer to the skies above, the persistent gut feeling that the two days in a foreign country spells some intense conflict ahead.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>So it has become like this, the same pattern that the two youngest found themselves stuck in whenever they have their tiffs.</p><p>Renjun will affix himself with Jisung, his arm hanging awkwardly due to the difference in height. He doesn’t have to do this, Jisung wishes to say, that he will room with him if he just <em>asks</em>. But Renjun in a temper is prideful, and Jeno is no better when he has arms wrapped around Chenle’s with his nose up high, both the same mirror of relentlessness in their spite and provocation.</p><p>“You’re only making it harder for yourself!” Jisung retorted when Renjun slams his face onto his bed, a distraught wail escaping once they are relieved from the stress of watchful eyes and most importantly, Jeno’s very presence. Until now Renjun has kept mum about the reason for their fight, and before he could ask, he hears the sound of the bell. He unlocks the door to find Chenle, eyes rolled to his fullest ability.</p><p>“Jeno said this belongs to Renjun.” He tosses a box of Jasmine tea into Jisung’s hands, and he invites himself in easily, pushing past Jisung to stop by Renjun’s side. He hears spitfire Mandarin when he closed the door, only understanding the tiniest bits of their exchange. He understood ‘stop’, ‘angry’, and ‘childish’ in those orders, and not before long Chenle addresses him with a disgruntled expression on his face.</p><p>“So why did they fight again?” Jisung asked, passing the box of tea to Renjun. Renjun gulps wordlessly and caresses the box into his chest delicately. </p><p>“Tell him.” Chenle orders.</p><p>In defence Renjun plays the hyung card, mentioning how he shouldn’t be taking orders from the two and Chenle snidely retorts “You should act like one then.”</p><p>“Fine!” Renjun scowls, tugging at the duvet cover in frustration. “I just… needed a break. We have been fighting so much recently, and we haven’t been the same anymore. I know we both needed this-”</p><p>“How do you know what Jeno wants? He told you?” Jisung interrupts.</p><p>“No, I asked him yesterday when we were watching the movie. He burst out in anger and accused me of suggesting a breakup. And I’m not! I just want him to understand where I’m coming from. But he wouldn’t listen, and I’m so fucking angry and upset too! He misconstrued my words and didn’t even want to hear my explanation!”</p><p>Renjun’s face flames, chest heaving between breaths, and Jisung and Chenle can only look helplessly at each other. He’s too young for this, he’s only fucking eighteen, he should only be thinking about… teenager stuff. Not heavy topics like romance and love for god’s sake!</p><p>There’s the bell again, and Jaemin arrives, slightly dishevelled.</p><p>“RENJUN!” His voice booms and Renjun jolts up, startled from his raucous arrival.</p><p>“You want to break up with <em>my </em>Jeno?” Jaemin yells.</p><p>“How many <em>boyfriends </em>does Jeno have?” Chenle mocks whispers, and Jisung presses his palm on his mouth to shut him off.</p><p>“Ugh, this is why I can’t tell anyone, everyone just thinks I’m the bad guy here!” Renjun shrieks, throwing a pillow at Jaemin who deftly caught it with his hands. “I just stated what everyone has known for months, that we have problems in our relationship, and we should work on it, <em>with a distance. </em>Why does everyone think that meant I’m breaking up with him?!”</p><p>Jaemin sits at the corner of the bed, unconvinced pupils locked on the smaller boy. “If everyone thinks you’re breaking up with him, and you insist you’re not, then everything has just been one big, fat misunderstanding. You just need this to explain it to him better."</p><p>Renjun’s hands clenched aggressively into modest-sized fists, but Jaemin’s words still resonate, as he droops his head in reflection. “You two need to fix this. I can’t stand looking at my best friend absolutely wretched and judging by you two, I have a better bet that my advice would be taken.”</p><p>“You’re wrong then.” Renjun looks up and petulantly responds.</p><p>“He is brooding, Injun. Do you know when he broods, everything and everyone within distance shrivels? We can’t send a brooding Jeno up on stage!”</p><p>“He didn’t want to listen. He didn’t trust me.” Renjun stiffly says.</p><p>Jaemin sighs excruciatingly. “Anyone would have been confused and heartbroken, much less him. Just don’t make any rash decisions first, take some time to cool down at least?”</p><p>“I feel so exhausted with these stupid fights,” Renjun mutters in a soft voice, eyes downcast.</p><p>Jaemin squeezes Renjun’s shoulder, a consoling smile in support. “You two are good for each other. You just need to have confidence in that.”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p><em> My first and last </em>is supposedly the cute song of their repertoire, but with the way Jeno is dancing like he’s out to kill, not a friendly expression directed to the audience once, Renjun and Jaemin could only share a concerned gaze behind the boy as the song progresses.</p><p>He imagines the managers scolding them later, blabbering on about not letting their emotions affect their stage, that their job is to deliver every charm and appeal in their performance. And so Renjun makes sure his moves are polished, perfectly delivering his flair of the choreography that he has learned by rote. He worked on his fanservice for the fans to fill Jeno’s lack of it, pulling hearts for the screaming audience whenever his parts of the song come on.</p><p>Soon after the chorus, there is a significant part where he twirls around to face Jeno, and they would always share an affectionate gaze right before they change positions, the smiles underlying the nature of their relationship.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wherever I am, even if I’m dreaming </em>
</p><p>
  <em> To me, it’s only you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ll swear upon the rest of my life </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There won’t be another you, you’re my last. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He reckons that some pretences on stage are still necessary, and so when it comes, he spins around with a cordial smile. Yet the feeling isn’t mutual, Jeno’s face remains taut with his gaze fixed on the floor. A pang of sadness settled in his heart, and he composes himself when he turns back to face the audience.</p><p>He pulled himself together by the end of the song, even till that bit where they had a short talk with the audience and had to stand beside him in their usual order.</p><p>Jeno never turned to his side and acknowledged him once, and he’s known him long enough to recognize that he did it out of nothing but bitterness and childish spite.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Four interviews, two recordings and one rehearsal after exhaustion kicked him right in the face, but a cheery Donghyuck still decides to check out the nearby night market, pulling Jeno in tow even though he vehemently refused. Jeno wonders briefly how Donghyuck ever finds the energy to remain his chippy and boisterous self even just between the members; if it were him, he would have ignored everyone and locked himself in his room for days just to catch up on those hours of quality sleep.</p><p>“So I’ve heard that Renjun and you aren’t on speaking terms.” Donghyuck starts as a piece of meat dangles precariously in between chopsticks.</p><p>Jeno shrugs noncommittally. “He wants to break up with me.”</p><p>“That isn’t what I’ve heard.”</p><p>“I know what I’ve heard. I’m the one in the relationship.” Jeno bites back, the cutting tone not missed on Donghyuck. Donghyuck merely hums a tune and puts a spoonful of rice into his mouth. He regards Jeno intently as he chews; past the cold exterior, he could sense that he’s devastated of the circumstances, the hurt concealed so that there’s no trace of weakness.</p><p>“I’m not so sure your relationship will last if you insist on your side of the story,” Donghyuck says matter-of-factly after swallowing, and the piercing fury rippling his features is formidable even when his face is partially hidden under the cap. Jeno tilts his head slightly to glare, pupils hardened and lips pressed in a thin line. Donghyuck reckons the glower is remarkable, albeit second place, still losing to that specific day of recording for a music show. The look on Jeno was almost murderous when he overheard an idol from another group making racist remarks of the Chinese members in the corridor.</p><p>It is not wise for violence, definitely not an ideal place for brawls, a literal career suicide to fight in the fucking broadcasting building where there are hundreds of directors, reporters, celebrities, managers, fans and of course, worse off, they are also under the management of all sorts of pompous assholes that is the backbone of a well-established company.</p><p>Thankfully, Jeno didn’t pull a single punch that day. He only pulled a terrible trick, spiking that idol’s drink with laxatives, so that the bastard can crap the bullshit out for the rest of the day and the next. Donghyuck swore the crescents on Jeno’s face remained a common fixture for the rest of the week.</p><p>“You know it’s only going to get worse if you two don’t talk things out.” Donghyuck states and points to himself. “Case in point. Remember my fight with Mark? It was so dramatic, and now that I think about it, it was so stupid and needless to fight over such things. Even the fans knew.”</p><p>“Our cases are different. You two couldn’t be more obvious.” Jeno grumbled a beat later, smashing the straw around the ice cubes distractedly.</p><p>“Rub it in, don't you?” Donghyuck drawls sarcastically. “Maybe Renjun has his reasons. You really need to let him explain himself.”</p><p>“I’m fucking pissed alright. I don’t want to deal with him right now.”</p><p>Donghyuck senses the discussion is done, words are only going to be fallen on deaf ears when Jeno chooses to shut himself off. Reluctantly he lets Jeno simmer in his rage, the cacophony of the market his only company. </p><p>Their last night in this foreign country ends sadly with no solution in sight.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The managers have benevolently arranged to take them to a beach the following day since the flight back to Seoul is not due until the evening, elation written on all their faces when the magnificent emerald waters and pristine sand comes into view from the parking lot. Renjun and Donghyuck sprinted for the sea right away, closely followed by Jaemin with his trusty camera. Jeno found himself sandwiched between the two youngest sharing the parasol shade, all three of them content enough with just observing and enjoying the sea view from the beach.</p><p>His eyes are glued on the boys playing in the sea, both becoming mere specks from where he’s sitting, and he’s just concerned about the slight possibility that Renjun might get swept away by the currents when the wind is blowing so strongly. He bites his lip when Renjun swam further from the beach, the white shirt he’s clothed in becoming a small dot in his vision. Unbeknownst to him, Jisung and Chenle have been sharing furtive smirks in his direction.</p><p>“Hyung, just go and check for yourself if you’re worried.” Chenle nudged his jaw to the beach. </p><p>“Who says I’m worried.” He denied gruffly, but he succumbs in the end. “I’m just… Going to check out Jaemin’s photos. Be right back.”</p><p>He pointedly ignores the cackling that can be heard even when he’s already a distance from them as he reached Jaemin’s side within seconds. At this spot, he could make out the two boys flapping in the water excitedly, and his heart does a flip when Renjun bursts out in laughter over Donghyuck’s antics.</p><p>“Knew you couldn’t bear to miss this. You’re in luck, I’ve taken some good photos of Renjun.”</p><p>Jeno propped his hands on his hips as he watches the two boys playing around in the sea, and his stomach churns with envy.</p><p>“I’m just here to make sure someone doesn’t drown.”</p><p>Jaemin rolled his eyes. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”</p><p>There‘s a minute of silence between them, and soon the boys are approaching back onshore when they had their fun. Jeno blurts out then, voice barely heard against the strong wind. “Hey Jaem, why can’t I ever stay angry at him long enough?”</p><p>“Fuck!” Jaemin almost drops his camera then, but thankfully he has the strap wrapped around his wrists for situations just like this.</p><p>Jaemin nuzzles his camera worriedly, a glare cast at him in distaste. “If you can’t stand it, why are you still giving him the silent treatment? You do realize it’s affecting you more than him?”</p><p>“I think I was too easy, and I’m trying to stand my ground for once. But I can’t stay angry at him for long when I just want him back.” Jeno mutters, observing the figures waddling closer.</p><p>Jaemin involuntarily shuddered. “Ugh, you’re hopeless. Injun actually has bigger balls than you. Just talk to him, listen to what he has to say. And the conversation’s over. I’m gonna barf if you say another word.”</p><p>“Just for the record, I’m the top of the relationship.” Jeno scoffs with his chin raised, leaving Jaemin to collect his jaw from the sand as he scuttles off from the imminent presence that is Donghyuck, screaming ‘JENO I’M COMING FOR YOU!’ at the top of his lungs with his body dripping wet.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Renjun appears by Jaemin’s side moments after, ruffling his wet hair as he observes Jaemin reanimating to life very slowly.</p><p>“Don’t talk to me, don’t even look at me. Shit, I’m already imagining it! Go, shoo. Let me be.”</p><p>“Right...” Renjun backs away in an instant, judging him one last time before he goes to find the two youngest.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Still considered a relatively young group in the industry, being junior meant some manners and decency still needs to be maintained. But the fact of the matter is when you put boys of similar ages in the same room, things can easily get volatile and rowdy… Though such worries are for once, unwarranted when the couple is still adamant in giving each other the cold shoulder.</p><p>The situation has become more serious than initially expected since a week has passed and there are no signs of them conceding anytime soon. It seems they are perfectly comfortable closing themselves in their rooms, though quite undeservingly Jaemin and Jisung have to deal with the repercussions of their quarrel since they share the same dorm with them.</p><p>Renjun still carries the same kind of indifference; he has always been better at managing his emotions, but Jeno is cracking, Jaemin could tell. He wished Renjun could be kinder to Jeno, for it pains him to see his best friend wallowing in misery, but it is not his place to butt in when things between them seemingly hanging by a thread.</p><p>The waiting room is quiet except for the whirling white noise of the hairdryer and Donghyuck’s pathetic attempts to spur some liveliness that only Jisung seems to be reciprocating.</p><p>“Jeno, I just styled your hair!” The stylist noona whined, and Jaemin opened his eyes from his snooze; Jeno has run his fingers into his scalp absentmindedly again. The boy has been easily distracted recently, mind far in his thoughts, and Jaemin rubbed at his temples in exasperation. He hears Jeno mutter an apology, and in the reflection, Jaemin could see Renjun taking a glance at their direction, but the boy darted his head away immediately just as Jeno gazes up.</p><p>“I’m going to the bathroom,” Renjun announced, leaving the waiting room on his own.</p><p>From his periphery he registers Jeno’s jaw clenched, his brows furrowed in contemplation. Before he even registers what just happened, Jeno has already shot up from his seat and left the room despite the stylist noona’s call for him to come back.</p><p>Jaemin gasped loudly and met eyes with Donghyuck and Jisung, all with the same alarming expressions on their faces. Right on time, Chenle bursts into the room, his voice all shrilly.</p><p>“I saw them! Outside the corridor, Jeno’s running after Renjun. Oh my god! Shit’s about to hit the fan!”</p><p>“No shit, Sherlock.” Donghyuck groans.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know what made him lurched out of his seat and followed him, really. All Jeno knows is that his self-worth and pride are worth nuts if Renjun doesn’t want the relationship anymore, or him for that matter, and his mind is thrown into absolute chaos. Maybe Renjun was right that they have become accustomed to each other these years, that with the glitz and glamour of their job, their private life in comparison has become predictable and banal. He understood the argument given that they have been apart for a week to reflect; but still, he disagrees. Wholeheartedly.</p><p>Shouldn’t that just mean they should try harder, understand each other to overcome their fights? They can mature and learn as their relationship progresses, no matter how rocky it may be. Whatever the obstacles or problems they face as time passes, he wants Renjun to understand that a split, temporary or not, is not the solution.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>Renjun flinches violently and mutters a curse under his breath when he comes out from the cubicle to find Jeno waiting, his hesitant wave of greeting doing nothing to stop his heart from thumping out of his ribcage. “You scared me.” He admonishes, stiffly walking over to the basin to wash his hands.</p><p>“Injun... Can we stop fighting?”</p><p>Jeno always wondered why makeup is even necessary for Renjun when he gazes at him, for the excess and superfluous has ruined the angelic and ethereal quality in his features. He takes Renjun’s hand in his, and thankfully the boy doesn’t reject it.</p><p>“Jeno,” Renjun pursed his lips hesitantly. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, I know I wasn’t very clear about what I said-”</p><p>“It’s alright, I understand.”</p><p>Renjun tilts his head, intrigued. “You understand?”</p><p>“I know you’re having doubts because of our fights recently.” Jeno tries to form the words. “I know where you’re coming from, and I don’t blame you for feeling this way.”</p><p>Renjun looks relieved, and he steps closer, his hands pressing against Jeno’s arm, and it takes so much control to remain composed when he misses his touch so much. “Oh, Jeno. Promise me you wouldn’t be angry and hear what I have to say?” Renjun pleads.</p><p>It was excruciating, but Jeno nodded his head.</p><p>“I’m so happy when we trained together, and it was a miracle that we became members of the same group. You make me so happy when I’m with you.” Renjun affirms earnestly. “But as much as we spent time together, I feel like I’m starting to lose myself in these fights, and gradually as our lives become too conflated, I don’t even know who I am as a person.”</p><p>Renjun’s head falls, and he bites his bottom lip. “Sometimes I feel like I know it clear in my head, but the next it’s like I don’t at all. And I can’t do this to you. I want to be the best version of myself… For you. That’s why… I need some space to work on it. Do you understand what I’m trying to say now, Jeno?”</p><p>“You’re always the best version of yourself to me.” Jeno protests. There’s no doubt he is, but if Renjun is unsure, he just has to work harder and show him that he is already so remarkable in his eyes. Fine, he will oblige whatever Renjun decides to impose on him, accedes to a compromise just to indulge him. He couldn’t care less about that.</p><p>In fact, he’s going to make his own rules too. His way of handling this in his own terms.</p><p>“This is a good time for a cool-off period for both of us. We can find new interests, meet new people, and do things on our own-”</p><p>“I don’t have to try new things. I like <em> our </em> routine.”</p><p>Renjun’s face falls slack. “Lee Jeno. We need to improve ourselves, we can’t get comfortable with the status quo. It’s good for our growth. You’ll see.”</p><p>“Who says I’m not improving myself? I’m already working on something myself too.” Jeno defiantly declares a beat later.</p><p>Renjun cocks his eyebrow, interested. “Oh? What will that be?”</p><p>Yes. He’s going to woo him back, reignite their love, and win Renjun’s affection back for him. That would solve <em>all </em>the problems.</p><p>“I’m working on wooing you back.” Jeno cackles, the best solution materialized in his head. He slyly lurches down to steal a kiss on Renjun’s lips, features errant with unbridled devilry before he scampers out of the bathroom in wicked hysterics.</p><p>“W-What… WHAT THE HELL JENO! COME BACK HERE!” Renjun snaps out from his shock. Renjun jolts to a chase, to beat some sense in him for his trickery, but the boy has already disappeared from the corridor, nowhere to be seen.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin has stuffed all the coriander into his bowl of ramen, but that doesn’t help whet his appetite one bit, not when Jeno and Renjun are currently perched on the sofa in the living room, both seemingly cordial, but also not exactly. Their behaviour is extraordinarily suffocating for the non-participant, roommate, and an unwitting individual who just wants to have his meal in peace. </p><p>“What is this awkward sexual tension I’m feeling from you two? Have you guys reconciled already or not?” Jaemin slaps his chopsticks down in frustration.</p><p>Jeno peered up from his phone and sighs, glancing at Renjun who is sitting a breadth apart and has his legs folded into his chest as he reads a book.</p><p>“There’s nothing sexual between us, Na Jaemin. I’m just reading. Don’t be absurd.” Renjun said, vision still trained on the paperback.</p><p>“Wait. So does that mean I can’t kiss you and cuddle you at night?” Jeno asks.</p><p>“No, Jeno. You can’t.”</p><p>“You’re so cruel,” Jeno whines and slumps his shoulders.</p><p>“Should I be worried that you guys are not smooching faces like you used to?” Jaemin drawls, the temptation to throw something at them increasing exponentially. Barely adults and yet their relationship seems hardest to comprehend at the moment.</p><p>“Would you look at the time,” Renjun detracts from the topic and rises to his feet. “Good night guys. I’m turning in now.” Jeno jolts up, intending to tag along, but Renjun’s stare when he turns around is enough indication that he doesn’t want to be followed.</p><p>“Goodnight Jeno.” Renjun flashes one last glare of stern warning, and the door to his room closes with a dull thud.</p><p>Jaemin hears the quintessential Jeno’s long-suffering sigh, and he snorts out before devouring a chock full of noodles.</p><p>“Why is he so complicated?” Jeno complains when he joins Jaemin at the table.</p><p>“You used interesting and multi-faceted in the past.” Jaemin mumbles with his mouth full.</p><p>“Same difference,” Jeno grumbles and sneaks a piece of kimchi into his mouth.</p><p>“So could you kindly explain what’s the situation now? In case you haven’t noticed, everyone’s so wary of you two the past week.”</p><p>“We agreed to a cooling-off period because he says he’s trying to work things out on his own. But that doesn’t mean I’m waiting idly. I’m trying to woo him back.”</p><p>“What the heck does that even mean?”</p><p>“So right now,” Jeno explains, putting his indexes together in a demonstration. “We are… Exclusive for each other, but he doesn’t let me do more other than holding his hands. Which sucks really. But I’m not complaining. At least he’s not ignoring me anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, Jeno. That’s… unfortunate.” Jaemin pats his arm.</p><p>“I guess. But he’s right too. I was complacent, and perhaps… overly satisfied with the conventional. I just couldn’t accept it when I first heard it, but… Well, I'm learning.”</p><p>“Well whatever you do, you have my full support. I hope Injun finds what he’s looking for.” Jaemin says, closing his hand on Jeno’s own in encouragement.</p><p>“Oh yeah, now that I think about it, there’s one thing you can help me with.” Jeno mulls in thought.</p><p>“I’m suddenly regretting everything,” Jaemin mutters. </p><p>Because his worries are unfailingly valid. A <em>thoughtful </em>Jeno never bodes well in the time he has known him.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p><em> Operation: Woo Renjun 2.0</em>. Chenle frowns, the banner with the scrawny handwriting pasted haphazardly on the wall of Jeno’s room.</p><p>“What the fuck am I reading?” Chenle deadpans, the incredulous stare accompanied by the downturn of his lips.</p><p>Jeno huffs out in chagrin and shoves Chenle lightly. “Let’s not get hung up on the name alright. Didn’t have time to think of something snazzy.”</p><p>“The problem’s not even with the title.” Jisung murmurs under his breath.</p><p>“SOOOO,” Jeno emphasizes with a warning stare thrown at Jisung’s direction. “I’ve invited you three to help me with this important mission. I will need your help,” Jeno gestures at the banner enthusiastically, “To woo Renjun back.”</p><p>Jisung raised his hand, confusion clouding his face. “So you two broke up.”</p><p>“No, we are on a break, there’s a difference. I need a plan or suggestions to woo him back. All tips on some good old lovin’ are welcome.”</p><p>Jaemin keeps his face straight when Jisung and Chenle retch out into their palms unceasingly, but truthfully the mortified look on Jeno’s face is absolutely entertaining. He lets them torment him a while more, though he eventually intervenes when Jeno sends a pitiful expression to his direction. Reluctantly, he clears his throat loudly to grab their attention.</p><p>“Now, now, kids. I know that is some barf-worthy material, but it goes without saying we should help since we are a team, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Of course I would help, hyung,” Jisung says, and Jeno chokes in astonishment, his eyes glistening in gratitude.</p><p>“But what’s in it for me?” Jisung adds craftily, shrugging his shoulders in indifference, head noticeably tilted to the direction of his computer.</p><p>Jeno groans into his palm, how dare they, devils brazen enough to exploit his current predicament and make demands. He should have expected that their help wouldn’t come so easily. Pressing his temple to soothe the irritation, he growls, miffed. “You can have my computer… for two days a week?”</p><p>Jisung squints his eyes in disapproval. “Not good enough.”</p><p>“Ugh. Three?”</p><p>“Four. Take it or leave it.” Jisung smirks.</p><p>“Fine! Four it is!” Jeno gruffs with arms flailing in frustration. “What about you Chenle? What do you need? Maybe one of my limbs?” He snarls sarcastically, utterly defeated at the helm of the two youngest.</p><p>“I don’t need anything actually. I just like to see you riled up.” Chenle snickers, hands raised to give a hi-five to Jisung.</p><p>Jeno bursts out with a string of expletives, grabby hands in the pursuit of an easily ticklish Chenle who takes flight screeching at the top of his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>True to his promise, Jeno has been giving him space, and he’s deeply touched and thankful for his selflessness. At the end of the day he knew, this request was selfish of him… and it was evident that the temporary break hadn't been quite well understood by the group when word got out, much less for Jeno's close confidants, like Doyoung hyung for example. </p><p>It took an hour’s call that consists a lot of nail-biting and pregnant pauses; eventually, Doyoung begrudgingly deemed Renjun’s reasons valid partly because Jeno loudly whispered he’s old enough to handle his relationship problems, and <em>oh my god I'm so fucking embarrassed we are on the loudspeaker, just hang up hyung!!</em></p><p>So this break has made him think. And he loves to think, to mull about the existence of life, to contemplate his place in this stupendous marvel of a universe. However, the more he mulls over their relationship, the less he understands about it, the fog in his mind still maddeningly dense with ambivalence. Admittedly the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder rings true, but he’s not going to confess that to anyone. He is also plainly in denial that the reason for wanting a break is less of spiritual growth but more of increasing insecurity, but fuck no, he would rather die to admit this to anyone too.</p><p>But yeah, with Jeno’s enormous sacrifice, he hasn’t been wasting this new private time, no. The first thing he did was to sign himself for some classes in arts and language, because well, he wishes to improve on his art. There are also so many aspects of the Korean language that he’s still unfamiliar with, and it doesn’t hurt to be more proficient in it.</p><p>He’s just completed his third class in painting, his canvas coming together with the tutor’s help. It’s been a while since he worked on real brushes and paints since their schedule became rather hectic this year, and it was much more convenient to use his iPad instead. His tutor told him he could draw anything he liked, but there was only one image that came into his mind anyway. </p><p>He’s lugging his canvas home with his art supplies that weigh heavy on his shoulders, but the exertion is not for long since being an idol comes with its perks; his manager is already waiting by the door, the company’s car parked in idle a slight distance away from the studio.</p><p>He bids goodbye to his tutor, a friendly woman in her forties who has no not a clue of the current idols, but he likes it better this way anyway. In the studio space he’s there as Huang Renjun, simply a boy who likes to draw, and not as NCT Dream’s Huang Renjun, and the distinction of that feels… almost freeing.</p><p>He makes his way to the car with the manager, and the door slides open to reveal Jeno in the car, in the fucking flesh, and the strap of his tote bag unceremoniously slides off from his shoulder with a loud thud.</p><p>“SURPRISE!” Jeno screams excitedly, hand outstretched to pick his bag easily.</p><p>“Quick, get in. It’s freezing!” Jeno says, hands gesturing wildly. Renjun wordlessly takes the seat next to him, disbelief and confusion written on his face. The car starts and Jeno whispered to their manager, his behaviour extremely dubious and secretive. It's even more ridiculous realizing the manager is in collusion too!</p><p>“Why are you here?” Renjun questions warily.</p><p>“It’s dinnertime, and you need dinner, just like I need dinner. Soooooo, we’re going for dinner!” Jeno supplies with an easy grin. “Besides, we’re going for Malatang. Your favourite.”</p><p>Renjun frowns. “You don’t even like Malatang. Your stomach goes all queasy eating it.”</p><p>“I’m sure I would be fine, it’s been a long time since I had it anyway.”</p><p>Renjun sends him a doubtful glance, but he shrugs eventually. While Renjun lulls into silence, Jeno is jittery in comparison, legs shaking on the car floor unceasingly. Renjun’s lips threaten to break into a smile; being his teammate slash boyfriend for several years, it goes without saying that he knows Jeno is itching for a conversation.</p><p>“Yes, Jeno? I can hear your thoughts buzzing in your head.”</p><p>Jeno gasps out immediately, and he looks so excited, the words spilling out in haste. Renjun smirks involuntarily, repressing the fondness when Jeno is behaving exactly like a puppy seeing his owner at the very end of the day.</p><p>“How’s your class? By the way, after we have our dinner, do you want to grab desserts at this awesome Moomin cafe? I just happened to see it when I pass by this neighbourhood the other day, not like I’ve been searching for it. Oh and-”</p><p>“Jeno. Dude. Breathe.”</p><p>Jeno flusters, his cheeks tinged red. “I-I just want to spend some time with you. I know you don’t want me to-”</p><p>“Jeno,” Renjun repeats, his hand resting on Jeno’s lap, and that quickly does the trick. Jeno stills, but the tension was still apparent on his posture as he looks down at Renjun’s hand, and his eyes dart back up apprehensively.</p><p>“Dinner and dessert after sound good. Please don’t stress yourself out, alright?”</p><p>Jeno exhales out, nerves gradually loosening. He grabbed Renjun’s hand and clasps it tightly with his own, never letting it go for the whole journey.</p><p>Renjun indulges him because he was never strong-willed to reject him in the past, the same even for now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(“Who’s hogging the bathroom? We have to leave in thirty minutes and I haven’t brushed my teeth.” Jisung whined sleepily when he woke up dreadfully early for a recording in the morning.</p><p>“Jeno,” Renjun mutters, a worrying glance cast at the locked door.</p><p>“Oh.” Jisung states. “Had Malatang yesterday?”</p><p>Renjun pursed his lips. “So you knew of his plan.”</p><p>Jisung leers, unimpressed, and Renjun almost wants to throw something at his blatant display of disrespect. Jaemin spoils him way too much.</p><p>“Hyung, perhaps when you enter his room, there might not be an ugly huge ass banner proclaiming his mission to court you back. I’m not sure, maybe I’m just seeing things.” Jisung yawns and plops himself down on the sofa disinterestedly.</p><p>He registers quick footsteps towards Jeno’s room and waits for the imminent sound of the switch.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Click. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking hell!” Renjun howls in fury, and he snorts out a hearty chuckle at his reaction.)</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Fall has been nothing short of wishy-washy, alternating from sticky humid to frightful chilly within hours. A 20km cycling journey in such fluctuating temperatures would cause anyone to fall sick, less needs to be said for them with their erratic schedules.</p><p>The dorm is fully occupied for once; Donghyuck and Chenle are over at the dorm for a short break before the hectic year-end promotions and concerts. The managers have nagged at them (Jaemin and Jeno mostly) for falling sick at this timing and they could only snivel and wipe their dripping noses sheepishly in response.</p><p>“Time for medication,” Renjun calls when he enters Jeno’s room.</p><p>“Ughhhhh I’m dying,” Jeno whined nasally.</p><p>“I’ve told you so many times to wear another layer of clothing, but you never listen.” Renjun chides as he passes Jeno his meds and a glass of water. Jeno croaks out a sound of gratitude and pops the pills before drinking the water.</p><p>“Are you worried about me?” Jeno asks, head peeking out from the layers of blankets that Renjun has piled on him. He has forbidden him to sleep with the air-conditioning turned on, keeping the room as toasted as possible, since the common practice he learned from his mother in quickly recovering from the flu is to <em>sweat it out. </em></p><p>“We all are. We need to be in our best condition before our concert.”</p><p>Jeno breaks into a wry smile. “You know what I’m asking.”</p><p>“Yes, yes. Happy?” Renjun sighed exasperatedly and raps a knuckle on Jeno’s warm forehead. He could feel the heat even with the quick contact, and Renjun rests his palm to check his temperature. “You’re still feverish.”</p><p>“I’m feeling better though.” Jeno grins.</p><p>Renjun shoots him a look. “Hold on, just let me grab some-”</p><p>“No, just stay here. Please?” Jeno hurriedly whined, his hold on Renjun’s wrist persistent.</p><p>Renjun frowns. Begrudgingly, he sits on the edge of the bed and interlaces his fingers into Jeno’s, and that calms him within seconds. “How will you feel better with me here? You need to rest.”</p><p>Jeno pulls Renjun closer to him till he’s almost cradling his arm, and in this closer proximity Renjun could count the eyelashes that curtain his lids. Renjun sighs inwardly, he’s not going to break his heart and reject him when he’s sick.</p><p>“Sing a song for me, will you?” Jeno croaks.</p><p>Renjun purses his lips but relents to his request. He searches his mind for a tune, and he remembers a Chinese lullaby that he liked to sing when he was very young, but the lyrics have already slipped away as time passes. His gentle voice floats softly in the muted quietness of the room, attention solely on Jeno as he hums the last of the tune. Pills finally taking effect, Jeno’s eyes flutter heavily when Renjun rises from the bed to let him rest.</p><p>“Don’t give up on us Injun. Don’t give up on me.” He slurred, lethargic, but the words still ring loud and clear anyway.</p><p>Renjun stiffens, the vulnerability from his voice breaking him apart. It’s been a while since he has done this, his fingers sliding gently to caress Jeno’s face. Jeno shuts his eyes again and leans into his touch.</p><p>“Sleep, Jeno.” He mumbled, hastily removing his fingers before his resolve crumbles away. Pulling the duvet even higher over Jeno’s figure, he quickly beats a retreat, Jeno’s outreached hand too late to stop him from leaving.</p><p>Jeno sighs as Renjun closes the door with a dull thud, and he resignedly lets the drowsiness overcome him as he drifts off to a fitful sleep.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>If Renjun thought Jeno was kidding when he said he’s going to woo him back, the obnoxious banner still hanging on his wall was enough indication to him that Jeno meant business.</p><p>He’s flattered, of course, giggling like a lunatic in his room so that no one notices. Needless to say, his heart stirs excitedly; it’s a great feeling to be wooed, to feel desired, because honestly, he didn’t have much recollection of being pursued when it was simultaneous that they fell in love with each other. Besides, he has already given up hope in experiencing a <em>normal </em>relationship when they are such public <em>(and gay) </em>figures. </p><p>But after giving some level-headed thought, the anticipation subsided to a firm sense of apprehension since Jeno’s courting mission is <em>dangerous</em>. Their relationship can be kept a secret because they have been counting on their closest managers’ good graces so that this doesn’t reach the ears of the higher-ups, and if anything, they don’t need to attract unnecessary scrutiny or suspicion from anyone eager for a good scoop.</p><p>And in the subsequent days that followed after Jeno recovered from his cold, a series of covert meetings took place in Jeno’s room. If Jeno and his underlings thought their discussions in between breaks were surreptitious enough, they were sorely mistaken, for it was not gone unnoticed by Renjun’s keen watchful eyes.</p><p>Judging by the more frequent meetings behind closed doors when he returns to the dorm after his radio schedules, he has an inkling that Jeno’s next operation will come pretty soon. He’s ready, prepared for any kind of <em>ridiculous </em>plan they have cooked up with. Sure, it’s five versus one, but he will emerge victorious without anyone’s help, and such a win would be sweeter than anything else!</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p><em> Except</em>.</p><p>There’s absolutely no whiff of action from Jeno in the week that past and it was the same for the week after. Renjun has been considerably expectant, mind immersed with his game plan, a set of tactics and measures to boot. He wouldn’t allow himself to be bested by the rest of the members, and it puzzled him a great deal when Jeno does absolutely nothing but sends his famous crescent-eyed smiling expression of his.</p><p>He's worried to be caught off guard, the scenario most likely to happen again knowing Jeno's character. With the addition of Chenle, Jaemin, and Jisung's brains mean pandemonium of a tremendous scale, and it's unmistakably worrying. He had tried to win over Jisung since the boy can be easily persuaded with promises of food, but Jeno’s incentive must have been especially tempting for Jisung to decline him.</p><p>Therefore, he’s not leaving it to chance; the best course of action would be to sneak into Jeno’s room at the most unsuspecting moment. Call it a reciprocation of goodwill perhaps, since the boy treated him to dinner the other day. A surprise gift from him that Jeno could discover when he wakes up hours later. </p><p>He slides out of his bedroom when the clock strikes exactly three. Tiptoeing across the corridor to open Jeno’s door as silently as he could, he easily infiltrates his room with deft footwork he acquired from months of ballet classes. He locks the door shut and peers around the unlit room. He hasn’t been in his room much recently, and he caught a whiff of the jasmine and sandalwood scent from the diffuser he gifted Jeno on his nineteen birthday. The scent hits him like a truck, taking him back to nights when he would doze off in his room and wake up in Jeno’s arms-</p><p><em> FOCUS. </em>Renjun shakes his head out of his reverie. He redirects his attention back to the sleeping figure and paces across the room silently. The bed dips down with his weight, and he stiffens when Jeno stirs. He stays rooted, highly alert and ready to bolt in case things go south. Only when Jeno’s breathing steadies he resumes his movement, manoeuvring his legs across Jeno’s torso so that his body wouldn’t be in any contact. Eyes glinting mischievously under the moonlight, he pulls out a marker from his pocket. </p><p><em> Heheheheheheh</em>, lips pursed to stifle his snicker, keeping his breaths shallow when he pushes the bangs away from Jeno’s face. Uncapping the marker, his hand hovers just inches away from Jeno’s face. But just as without warning, he jolts violently in surprise when he feels warm hands caging around his wrists. An unmanly shriek escapes when he’s pinned down in one swift movement, Jeno’s legs straddling him down onto the bed with slight pressure on his abdomen.</p><p>“Hmm, what is this?” Jeno pries open Renjun’s fingers to remove the marker, examining the damning evidence. Renjun tries to escape, but his squirming and thrashing on the bed are in vain since Jeno weighs a ton, and it’s preposterous since all the weight comes from those<em> redundant </em>muscles. He glares petulantly at Jeno who at present has the upper hand, and it was clear that he had put an act of feigning sleep.</p><p>“You pretended to be asleep, didn’t you? You played dirty!” Renjun snarls.</p><p>“Pot calling the kettle black,” Jeno retorts dismissively. “What did you want to do with this anyway?” Jeno brandishes the marker inches from Renjun’s face, causing his pupils to turn cross-eyed. He slaps the offending object away from his face.</p><p>“Write ‘I am stupid’ on your forehead, or I don’t know, maybe scribble some random shit on your face. Since you like playing tricks on me, I thought I should do the same to you.”</p><p>“What tricks?”</p><p>“Your stupid mission about wooing me!” Renjun complains, fidgeting under Jeno’s close proximity. Jeno’s hold on his arms tightens, his brows furrowed.</p><p>“I wasn't tricking you, Injun. Everything I’ve said and done, I mean all of it.”</p><p>Renjun stares, exasperated. “You’re so fucking ridiculous. All those meetings… Surely you didn’t have to include the rest in your idiocy too!”</p><p>Jeno presses his lips together to stifle a giggle. “Who’s ridiculous now? You snuck into my room at three fucking am. I think the idiom still stands.”</p><p>Renjun’s bottom lip quivers, mind whirling for a quick rebuke, and in that instant Jeno’s eyes dart down to his lips, his brain instantly narrowed to the positions they’re in. His throat constricts, and he swallows listlessly.</p><p>“Oh, so now I’m ridiculous when you have that stupid banner hanging on your wall? You couldn’t just do it on your own, you had to involve everyone in your stupid mission. Seriously, I’ve told you countless times we aren’t breaking up, this is just-”</p><p>Jeno tunes out his tirade and goes straight in for his lips, the gratifying taste of a way overdue kiss sending currents down his spine. Consumed by unbridled lust, he pushes in deeper, a quick work of his tongue gashing Renjun’s lips open, movement unapologetic and daring. The kiss is interrupted when Renjun tilts his face away, and he chokes out a stifling breath when he feels a blow on his ribs.</p><p>“You can’t kiss me!” Renjun croaks, face aflame as he jabs Jeno on his arms repeatedly. The wet sheen of saliva on his lips only makes Jeno’s desire to kiss him again even more pronounced.</p><p>“If we are still a couple, why can’t I kiss you?” Jeno cocks his head.</p><p>“Because the relationship articles- Naver says so!”</p><p>“Not convincing enough,” Jeno smirks and swoops down daringly to peck him on his cheek.</p><p>“I… We- You-” Renjun stutters, disorientated. “Stop it.” He warns, shooting daggers.</p><p>“Tell me you don’t want this, and I will stop immediately.” Jeno dares.</p><p><em> Asshole</em>, Renjun glares at him in biting silence for several seconds, indecision clouding now he’s thrown a curveball. He notices Jeno’s lips curved up patiently as if he already knows what his answer would be. Yes, he will fucking admit that his body misses this, aches for this. He feels it, the fire coursing in his veins when they kissed, open-mouthed and ravenous, and it still wasn’t enough. He wants to kiss him senseless, wants him to wreck his lips, and so he thinks, <em>fuck it</em>.</p><p>Renjun caves, his nails dragging deliberately over his neck in retaliation. He pulls him down by his collar, and Jeno chuckles when he closes in. He deliberately licks the strip of skin behind Jeno’s ear he knows is sensitive to touch, and he enjoys the muffled groan incited from his mouth. Their teeth clash when they meet this time, and he’s desperately kissing him back, equally fervent and impassioned in desire. Jeno snakes his palm beneath his clothes to stroke his waist, his mouth greedily sucking on Renjun’s bottom lip, the burst of pleasure satisfying when he hears him moan against his lips.</p><p>“Admit it, this cooling-off period is stupid,” Jeno whispered hotly against his ear.</p><p>“No, over my dead body. This is going to be our last.” Renjun retorts but whimpers when Jeno sucks on his neck, teeth grazing skin, and the pain spiking across skin a tell-tale sign that a hickey is already forming.</p><p>Jeno snorts out a snicker and brushes away Renjun’s silvery hair from his face. “My God, I hope you know you’re a tyrant.”</p><p>Renjun narrows his eyes. “Stop talking.”</p><p>“Ohhhhh. More kissing then?” He questions, the answer blindingly obvious that Renjun couldn’t stop his eyes rolling to the back of his head.</p><p>“Yes, dumbass,” Renjun growls snappishly.</p><p>“I fucking like you so much.” Jeno beams in satisfaction and closes in.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The hickeys bruising his neck is such a shrewd move, regrettably, it didn't come to Renjun’s mind once to stop Jeno from abusing his neck during their make-out session two nights ago. He drifted off to sleep and woke up in a state of panic that eventful morning, only managing to creep out of Jeno’s room minutes before the earliest awoken member (Jisung). But as luck would have it, it’s the start of dance practice week for the year-end programs, and there’s absolutely no way he will turn up for practice in the company of all the members with an unseemly string of hickeys.</p><p>It goes without question that no one should know his self-restraint has gone to shit, that he acted on his stirred feelings by making out with his fucking devil of a boyfriend. And so he has to suffer from a scarf tied tightly around his neck, citing to a few concerned members and staff that he finds the studio cold, though the thermal heating is already turned up quite warmly for him.</p><p>This year, the choreographers planned on collaboration for both teams as the highlight, plan consistent with the talk about NCT as a brand blah blah blah, and so Renjun waits on the side with Jaemin and Chenle as it’s not their turn yet in the choreography. They monitor in silence for the first part of the dance where selected Dream members and 127 hyungs collaborate in the performance of a mix of Boom and Superhuman, their title tracks for this year.</p><p>It’s nice that 127 and Dream can collaborate this time. The hyungs are always such amazing performers, their dancing prowess one of the strongest points of the group. It brings quite a <em>motherly </em>smile to his face when Jisung’s dancing doesn’t pale in comparison to the hyungs who are famed for their splendid footwork and stage presence. And Jisung still has so many years ahead in his career to perfect his talent.</p><p>Monitoring Jeno however, is a problem.</p><p>It doesn’t bring a smile on his face like Jisung, but it does bring the heat on his cheeks, eyes in stupefied awe, a rapid beating in his chest and a weird sensation pooling right at the spot that would spell death if he fixates on Jeno even further. And then the recent memory of them kissing comes into mind… When Jeno grinds dirtily to the beat he turns away in haste, chugging down the rest of the contents of his water bottle distressingly.</p><p>Jeno <em>knew </em>what turned him on, he’s mentioned it to him before. He’s shared in the past how unusually turned on he gets if 1. He’s wearing that pair of jeans. 2. He’s wearing black on black. 3. He’s wearing his glasses. Trust Jeno to come to the practice with all three ticked, a blatant smirk curved upon his lips in a taunt. He’s definitely doing this on purpose.</p><p>Renjun has resolutely steered clear from Jeno after that night because he’s embarrassed and ashamed of himself. Was he always that susceptible that it took Jeno mere touches to relinquish his self-control and to let himself be consumed by lust? He has read the articles that if he wants the cool-off period to work, he shouldn’t allow any physical affections that might hinder the process. Oh drat, now everything’s back to square one. The articles beget some truth after all; Jeno doesn’t even seem threatened or affected by the way he’s teasing him like this, deliberately using his appealing looks and physique to his advantage. </p><p>Renjun has to take back some semblance of authority, or he wouldn’t be able to endure his mockery to see the light of day.</p><p>But sure, where credit is due, he has to give it to him. Jeno looks hot and stunning today.</p><p>“So how does Jeno look? Absolutely ravishing?” Jaemin sniggered, and Renjun narrows his eyes. So his outfit today is all part of the plan.</p><p>“I had more trust in you Jaemin. Can’t believe you think whatever Jeno is doing is a good idea.”</p><p>Jaemin throws out his hands in submission. “Hey, I don’t judge my best friend even if he’s making dumb decisions. I just want to help him so he could stop moping for once.”</p><p>The last beat of the music stops and the members dispersed for a ten minutes break. In an instant, Jeno is by his side demanding his attention. </p><p>“How did I do? Was I okay?”</p><p>Renjun truly tried, but he still rolled his eyes in irritation. He can’t help it.</p><p>“You did alright.” He grunts out, tone intentionally bored. Jeno frowns, combing his sweaty fringe up. “Really? Not a job well done, or you are hot, babe?”</p><p>Renjun throws him a flat stare just as Jaemin widened his eyes in surprise at the exchange. </p><p>“Oh my god, Jeno. Did our plan succeed? Oh my god, tell me, I sense something has happened between you two.”</p><p>Jeno smirks mischievously when he sensed Renjun’s surge of resentment as he glared stiffly in a warning. “Hmm, nothing happened. I merely remembered Injunnie mentioning that he likes me in this ensemble,” Jeno gestured himself widely. “Isn’t that right?” </p><p>Renjun bit his lips anxiously, considering his move. Jeno wants him to say that he looks fucking awesome, oh yes, he would bet all his savings.</p><p>“You’re just overcompensating now.” Renjun retaliates.</p><p>Jeno pouts, expression affronted. “Nooooooooo! You weren’t seduced? Not one bit?”</p><p>Renjun scoffs. “We are in a practice, Jeno. An inappropriate time to seduce someone, don’t you think?”</p><p>In response Jeno sucks in a breath, eyes gaping at the unintentional provocation, a splash of indignance on his face. Oh right. Renjun should have reasoned it through. Has he already forgotten that goading Jeno is always a bad idea? </p><p>“Look who’s talking. Quite inappropriate to attack me at three in the morning, don’t you think?” Jeno revealed nonchalantly and wiggled his butt in an ostentatious farewell just as the choreographer called them to regroup.</p><p>“Fuck.” Renjun seethes at the disclosure, his hands closed into tight fists.</p><p>“WHAT?!” Chenle and Jaemin shrieked in unison, Jaemin’s eyes darting intuitively at the scarf on Renjun’s neck. Renjun is held down within seconds, the fabric peeled away to reveal the red purplish patches of Jeno’s handiwork. They released him within seconds, laughter bubbling as they gawked at his horrified expression.</p><p>Renjun springs up and snatches the scarf to cover his neck, face turning tomato red as he lands painful punches on their arms in retaliation.</p><p>“Ow- ow, but wow, I thought it’s only Jeno that couldn’t keep it in his pants. You’re no better!” Jaemin snickers ecstatically even as he rubs his arm gingerly.</p><p>“It isn’t what you think it is!” Renjun protests. In the periphery he sees Jeno holding his laughter too with how the situation is developing. <em>Fucking Lee Jeno.</em></p><p>“I WAS RIGHT!” Chenle roared triumphantly. Jaemin chortles and shakes his head amusedly.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Renjun wails.</p><p>“It was my idea.” Chenle shares maniacally, enjoying the astoundment etched on Renjun’s features. “I guessed you must have prepared yourself for whatever Jeno comes up with, so I had to convince him for days to bid his time and be patient. Because then, you surely would grow anxious and make your move first. HAHAHAHAHA! I’m so fucking smart!!”</p><p>“You guys are detestable!” Renjun screeches and hides his scarlet face in his palms. “How can all of you collude with Jeno? You guys…. No one fucking cares about how I feel!”</p><p>“Oh, Injun.” Jaemin wraps his arms around his shoulder sympathetically. He furtively glances at Jeno, confirming he’s out of earshot. “Recruit us then, to even the odds. I can’t bear to see you fight a disproportionate battle too.”</p><p>Renjun peers up from his palms and studies Jaemin and Chenle of a possible facade. “You guys are not pulling my leg?”</p><p>Jaemin pats his chest sincerely. “Cross my heart, I promise we wouldn’t be involved anymore. After that, it will just be between you two.”</p><p>“Okay,” Renjun watches Jeno in the far distance. </p><p>“Deal.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(“But seriously, it’s on a need-to-know basis, but did you guys have make-up sex? How is Jeno like in bed?” Jaemin chirps the moment Chenle leaves his spot, the question whirling in his head for a long time.</p><p>Renjun chokes out in shock, the water dripping messily from his lips. “Fucking shut up Jaemin.” He hissed, scanning the surroundings to make sure no one hears the vile atrocity spouting from his mouth.</p><p>“You can tell me you know.” Jaemin winks. “It will be our little secret. A small price to pay for my help.”</p><p>“You can’t be serious.” Renjun’s jaw dropped in chagrin. “You’re demanding payment? Aren’t we friends?”</p><p>“Colleagues first, friends second.” Jaemin supplies easily with a quick signal of the practice room they’re in. “Don’t look so offended. Jeno fed me details that he tops when we were at the beach the last time. I don’t believe that shit. Anyone knows he loves to take dick.”</p><p>Renjun sets his lips in a thin line, distraught brewing as Jaemin discusses his best friend’s sexual preference so casually they could just be talking about the weather. Jaemin nudges him, and Renjun sways on his feet stiffly, still favouring reticence.</p><p>“Come on, it’s been in my head ever since. I need leverage, something that I can taunt him in the future.”</p><p>Renjun rubs his face on his palm in exasperation. “You guys are fucking idiots.” He shoots a cursory look at Jaemin who has his lips split in an eerie grin. He shivers and adjusts his beanie as he glances in the mirror.</p><p>But Jaemin is a powerful asset, a valuable ally. He will prove useful if he wants to put an end to Jeno’s antics.</p><p>“Well,” Renjun starts, and Jaemin visibly vibrates with eager anticipation. “He wasn’t entirely truthful, because contrary to popular belief, we have never done anything past penetrative.”</p><p>“OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMMMNNNNN.” Jaemin yowls and he claps his hands so loudly that he receives a hush from their managers.</p><p>“Now you better keep your word,” Renjun warns before he escapes Jaemin, his company unbearable for any second longer.)</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Them kissing was already weeks ago, but there’s still the phantom sensation of his velvet lips on his, brought on perhaps by how regularly Jeno replayed the memory like his life depended on it. He melts when he observes Renjun pretending to sing along to the song, the way he places the microphone so close to his lips to hide his unfamiliarity is so adorable that his insides bloomed with overwhelming affection.</p><p>He supposes it wouldn't be an issue if his gaze lingers a tad too long in this crowd. The bright spotlight flashes in tandem to the beat of the song where the light hits Renjun’s profile in an illuminating glow. He traces the soft angles of his features he’s so familiar with, those orbs are always the one that captivates him, somehow remarkable that it always seems to gleam when it catches the light just right. Jeno never seems to tire from the understated beauty and grace he exudes in his mannerisms and movements.</p><p>The spell’s only broken when he feels a nudge on his shoulder, and he jolts in the realization that the show has already ended and people are starting to disperse.</p><p>“You’re staring into space. Let’s go.” Jaemin pushes him along, and Jeno whirs his head around to locate Renjun in the sea of people. <em> Where did he go? </em></p><p>“He’s with Chenle, come on.” Jaemin answers, his mind easily read.</p><p>“I hate you and Chenle so fucking much,” Jeno grumbles. “Give Renjun back to me.”</p><p>Jaemin merely scoffs and pulls him by his collar to guide him along. The dynamics of the group has come to this: Chenle and Jaemin, true to their word, has protected Renjun from his advances. It’s a huge setback since the two of them are in the privy of a long laundry list that they devised in their <em>Operation: Woo Renjun 2.0 </em>meetings. Jeno has criticized them of course, condemning them for their <em>betrayal</em>, but the duo is a force to be reckoned with when they do team up on the rare occasion. Of course, he has to retreat, it’s not like he has a death wish.</p><p>Jaemin twists his head around to make sure no one is near. “Stop staring like a creep if you want your boyfriend to take you back then.”</p><p>He knows Jaemin meant it as a joke, but he still sulks for the whole ride back to their dorm. He is feeling at his lowest when the crazy pining is eating him alive now that he has no choice but to put his mission on hold. Desperation sets in as he clings onto Renjun’s promise, those words chanted like a prayer. </p><p>
  <em> “The break’s just temporary.” </em>
</p><p>Yes, he comforts himself, <em>it’s just temporary. It will soon be over, so stop overthinking. He will want you back.  </em></p><p>
  <em> There’s no doubt that he still likes you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>When he was a trainee, Jeno found that he has acquired the most bizarre of abilities: finding humour in the most imperceptible and subtlety of situations. He has shared jokes with Jaemin and Donghyuck that he swore are hilarious, but they all glared at him like he has gone straight up mad.</p><p>“How is that funny?” Mark overheard when he walked past them there and then, and that is even more damaging to his ego because Mark laughs at anything. It’s fine, Jeno has accepted the fact that his humour is not for the<em> common people</em>, though the title of being the unfunniest member is misconceived and undeserved in his opinion. </p><p>The present is sardonically funny, because the <em>last</em> thing he learns on the <em>last </em>day of the year, is the well-known expression ‘<em>early </em>bird gets the worm’, a message that one must always be early to seize opportunities. The meaning is manifested in a series of events, beginning at the part where he arrives ahead and waits idly in his seat as the rest of the members filter in. </p><p>It becomes even funnier, tragically hysterical that Renjun’s one of the<em> last</em> to enter the room for the <em>last </em>agenda of the day- a n<em>ew year</em>’s vlive for their fans, and the vexation is clear on Renjun’s expression, his brows knitted when he realises that all the seats are taken. The camera can only go so far before their faces become an obscure pixel on the screen, and Jeno stalks his every move just as the boy zeroes in on that particular spot between Jaemin and Jisung, his lanky legs in a sprint-</p><p>“Come here Injun!” Mark calls on his right, oblivious his middle name, and he pets his lap invitingly.</p><p>Jeno pledges he would treat Mark to coffee someday when he returns Chenle and Jaemin’s questioning gazes with his innocent ones, a simple shrug to explain this isn’t his doing. He curbs his laughter when Renjun’s lips pursed spectacularly, gaze lingering on him for a second before he drops the contact. He doesn’t have much of a choice when he’s hustled by the managers to find a spot quickly. Resignedly, Renjun weaves past the members, pausing in front of Mark and Jeno. “There’s no space here.” He frowns.</p><p>“Of course there’s space!” Mark tuts, tugging Renjun around so that his back is facing them. He unceremoniously pushes him down on both of their laps, and Jeno feels Renjun stiffen, but the tension quickly fades away when the manager signals for their attention, <em>three, two, one- </em></p><p>“It’s the last day of 2019!!” The members erupt, voices overlapping in a burst of enthusiasm when the live stream starts, and Jeno has to give him credit, really. Renjun’s professionalism hits the roof, for there’s no trace of awkwardness or hostility, his good spirits utterly believable that even he’s convinced. All those lessons on idol image and public impressions are thoroughly exemplified as Renjun smiled gaily for the lens, his relaxed posture as he sits on their laps a distinct contrast several seconds ago.</p><p>Gradually Jeno’s gazes grow unrestrained; it’s been so long that Renjun is so close by he could feel every movement, every tremble when he bursts out in laughter, every shake of his limbs when he claps his hands in excitement. He takes his chances; first, a cautious hand settling on his waist, then another rests on his thigh. He grins mischievously when Renjun doesn’t recoil or flinch from his gestures, his attention still on the stream and members. As time passes he becomes daring, head propped on his shoulder, breathing deliberately heavy on his neck and Renjun doesn’t even squirm from the effect.</p><p>He squeezes his arms gently, nothing. He intertwines their hands, still nothing. He moves forward in a calculated hug, and still, not a peep.</p><p>The lack of response, that he’s undeserving of it irks him, frustrates him to the very core. He could carve out his heart right now and Renjun wouldn’t bat an eyelid, he wagers. </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>A sinking thought comes in a bolt out of the blue when he realises this has been a fucking mistake. </p><p>Renjun is merely tolerating his touches to keep up appearances, the rigidity of his back and firm avoidance of eye contact dead giveaways. He could likely be mistaken as toying with his feelings and trifling the situation, despite his affections were genuine it wouldn’t have mattered. He was calloused and disregarded Renjun’s feelings.</p><p>He studies their clasped hands, the warmness quickly searing in contact that he jerks his hands away abruptly. The sudden motion attracts Renjun’s attention; when he tilts his head back to make eye contact, his suspicions were proven correct. Jeno distinguishes immediate alleviation, of utter relief, and then it fleets away to be substituted with an inquisitive wariness.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He mouths, abashed, hoping Renjun gets his penitence in just the two words. </p><p>Renjun regards him with something unreadable for a few moments, and then it’s gone, his attention back to the speaker across the room.</p><p>He feels vile and despicable, the short-lived happiness plummets to a gaping hollowness right in his centre. His throat knots up painfully, and he’s wishing to be sitting at the furthest corner of the room for once.</p><p>-</p><p>Renjun has made no mention of his foolishness that day, but Jeno still punishes himself by cooping in his room for fear that he would make a similar mistake again.</p><p>It’s ironic, but there are times a recluse can tire of being indoors. Bored out of his mind after playing the nth round of Battlegrounds, he called Donghyuck as he spins around on his gaming chair, listening absentmindedly to the ringing of the call. </p><p>“What’s up, Jeno!” Mark answers instead. He hears Donghyuck yelling a greeting in the background as well.</p><p>“Oh, you’re with Donghyuck? Damn, are you two on a date? Am I calling at a good time?”</p><p>“It’s fine, we’re just lazing around in our dorm. We’re going out for dinner though, do you want to join us?”</p><p>“Oh, well… I don’t want to be a third wheel.” Jeno grouses.</p><p>Mark guffaws, laughter ringing in his ears. “Can’t believe you said that. It’s like you have a boyfriend but not at the same time- Ow, Donghyuck, why are you punching me for-”</p><p>He pinches his nose in mild exasperation just as static and muffled voices cackle from the speaker for several seconds.</p><p>“You know that army stew place? Meet you there in thirty minutes.” Donghyuck’s voice emerges eventually.</p><p>“Alright,” Jeno replies. “You sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”</p><p>Donghyuck scoffs. “Are you kidding? I need to know the deets. It’s the hottest gossip at the moment.”</p><p>“Ughh. Bye.” Jeno presses the red button on his phone, and the line goes dead.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Jeno recounted his predicament and blunder mostly for Mark who has been busy flying around places for his 127 and SuperM schedules to know the full story. Cheeks flushing in embarrassment when the couple doesn’t empathize his pain, and then to add insult to injury, their bodies doubled over with laughter. He wields the ladle at their faces threateningly. “It’s not funny!”</p><p>“Aww, you two are adorable.” Donghyuck wipes his eyes already watery from all the laughing. “Maybe Mark and I should have a break if we can have a hot makeout session occasionally. We have been pretty vanilla.” Donghyuck adds in a feigned whisper, and Mark chokes into his bowl.</p><p>“We have not!” Mark counters after a bout of coughing fit, and Donghyuck smiles saccharine-sweet indulgently. “I’m not complaining! Vanilla’s always a classic!”</p><p>Jeno groans and rises to leave. “This was a bad idea. I’m leaving.”</p><p>“I’m just kidding. Stay.” Donghyuck guffaws, tugging Jeno back on his seat. “So what are you going to do now that Renjun has made a pact with Jaemin and Chenle? Quite a loss, I would say.”</p><p>“Wait till Injun says it’s over, I suppose. Jaemin said he will break a limb every time I don’t behave myself.” Jeno mumbles despairingly as he swirls the contents in his bowl. </p><p>“You still have Jisung, don’t you? Injunnie and Jaem always dote on him.”</p><p>Jeno scowls and shakes his head slightly. “Jisung follows wherever Chenle goes. He’s as good as part of Renjun’s group now.”</p><p>Mark shakes his head in disapproval, “You dreamies have always been a wild bunch, but this sounds straight-up madness. Should I visit the dorm someday, perhaps teach them a lesson?” </p><p>He rolls his sleeves up in a poor imitation of intimidation, and Jeno couldn’t help but scoff, meeting Donghyuck's sheepish glance. “But you know your words don't pull any weight. Sorry.”</p><p>Mark’s face winces, recalling the arduous memories in Dream and he puffs out a resigned breath. “Oh. damn. I’ve forgotten.”</p><p>“There, there.” Donghyuck rubs Mark’s back soothingly.</p><p>There’s a lull in the conversation, and Jeno puts down his chopsticks and sighs. “Do you think Renjun is mad? He didn’t say a word to me after that live stream, and I didn’t dare ask. I was so guilty I hid in my room for days.”</p><p>Donghyuck mulls, chopsticks hanging above the pot. “ I have a vocal class with Renjun the day after tomorrow. I may be able to help you out, test the waters, see if you’ve angered him.”</p><p>Jeno perks up. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, so stop moping and eat. The noodles are all runny now.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Even though Renjun and Chenle didn’t train as long as the rest of them, their introduction into the group didn’t feel capricious or unnecessary, rather, the group’s complete only with their inclusion. It was uncanny how easily Donghyuck got close to Renjun, and he wasn’t lying in that article when he mentioned how Renjun was similar to a <em>soulmate </em>sincethey are alike in so many ways, personalities seemingly cut from the same cloth. They have the same interests, concerns on singing and their quick-witted humour are so aligned it’s hysterical. Though it’s still funny to think how their blossoming friendship has incited heaps of jealousy from a <em>certain individual </em>ages ago.</p><p>But those were stories of the past ever since they found people they like and cherish. With them in their relationships, Donghyuck empathizes Renjun’s decision of a cooling-off period, since, by extension, he knows how possessive his boyfriend can be in a relationship. He grew up with him after all.</p><p>Their vocal class ended an hour ago and they settled with hanging around the nearby Hangang river, braving the winter wind biting even with their mask-covered cheeks. Still the best location if they want privacy though. No one with a sane mind would visit the frozen river on a crisp day of January. </p><p>“Jeno thought I was angry?” Renjun barks out, expression drifts off to one of amusement.</p><p>Donghyuck silently nods into his cup and takes a huge bite, noodles exceedingly hot that he blows out the hot steam in agony. Renjun presses his fingers around the warm cup and snickers. They’re eating out at the unoccupied veranda of the convenience store, the spot conveniently secluded and private enough for them to chat about their strictly confidential relationships.</p><p>“I wasn’t angry.” Renjun answers after a long second. </p><p>“You weren’t?”</p><p>Renjun tilts his head to look at the darkening sky, dusk quickly approaching at this time of winter. “He keeps provoking me that day, you know, the usual touchy-feely hands,” Renjun wriggles his fingers. “I should be angry since I’ve banned him from touching me. But then suddenly out of nowhere, he whispered an apology and caught me by surprise.”</p><p>“You should be angry?” Donghyuck repeats, the contradiction not lost on him.</p><p>Renjun pulls a face. “Didn’t hate that he was touching me. That’s the problem.”</p><p>Donghyuck splutters so incredulously that a strip of noodle shoots out from his mouth. Renjun dissolves into laughter and Donghyuck follows, both giggling till their ribs hurt. “Ahhh, you two. My favourite couple.”</p><p>Renjun gawks disbelievingly. “Why would we be your favourite couple?”</p><p>“I’m literally your matchmaker. Who else but me as your number one couple stan?!</p><p>Renjun chuckles, surprised. “Really!”</p><p>“Dude. Remember how distant he was in the beginning and you thought he hated you? He just didn’t know how to behave around you. What an idiot.” Donghyuck shakes his head amusedly. “And he was so jealous of us then. Just because we could talk to you easily and he couldn’t. So I told him to toughen up and make his feelings known, or he will regret it if one day you’re off the market!”</p><p>Renjun blinks. “I didn’t know.” </p><p>Donghyuck’s mouth twitches. “There’s still one more thing, but Jeno made me swear not to tell you.”</p><p>Renjun exhales out an exasperated sigh, his breath clouding the chilly air. “Come on, spit it out.”</p><p>“He listens to <em>My First and Last </em>every day without fail. He said it resonated in his heart deeply since you’re his first love.” Donghyuck sing-songs mockingly.</p><p>Renjun turned crimson then, his body heating up. Suddenly, he doesn’t feel cold anymore. “Oh my god. He fucking said that?”</p><p>“That’s cheeseball Lee Jeno for you.” Donghyuck shrills out merrily. “And when he said that, I couldn’t even poke fun at him even if I tried. You know how closed off he is around strangers. At the start, we only had each other since we barely had any outside friends of our own. He felt so blessed when you came along because he didn't think it's easy in his personality to find someone he likes and matches well too."</p><p>As they hold their gazes silently, the joviality on Donghyuck’s expression shifts to something profoundly acute and discerning, and Renjun feels somehow he's dissected without him knowing.</p><p>“Do you still think the break is necessary?”</p><p>Renjun snaps his head down and gulps painfully. He should have noticed since he knows Donghyuck like the back of his hand, that the casual reveal is just an opening for a more heartfelt discussion. Perhaps he still doesn’t know him well enough.</p><p>But it only confirms how fiercely loyal Donghyuck has always been with his friendships, and it must have been difficult for him to navigate his position between his two close friends. And possibly this is true for the others as well. The disclosure was something for him to consider on their relationship, a piece of well-intended advice expressed benevolently that he might have been erroneous in the process of mending the cracks in their relationship. </p><p>“You think I should stop tormenting Jeno,” Renjun mumbles finally.</p><p>“No, you can torment him all you want.” Donghyuck clarifies with a faint smile. “But I think you haven’t been entirely truthful to him, and particularly yourself.”</p><p>“What gave it away?”</p><p>“It's like... as if you preferred the distance. You don't want him to find out what's actually troubling you."</p><p>Renjun’s reticence is enough of an answer, and Donghyuck probes further. “So tell me then. You say that you want to evaluate and rethink your life like you’re having some premature midlife crisis of some sort. But Jeno can be there for you. He wants to. Why don’t you let him?”</p><p>Renjun releases a long puff of breath. “I was afraid.”</p><p>Donghyuck tilts his head. “Afraid of?”</p><p>“Like… he might get tired of us fighting. And me. And perhaps… He may fall out of love, and I didn’t know what I would do if that happens.” Renjun swallows, subduing a sob that threatens to spill from his lips. </p><p>Donghyuck’s face softens and he stares at Renjun sympathetically. “So that’s what you’re worried about. That he would call for a breakup, and so you dealt with it on your terms.”</p><p>Renjun chooses to study his shoes intently, a cursory nod in response. He is aware that the split is doing more harm than good, the sentiment growing achingly in his heart with every space he tries to carve between Jeno and himself. He feels the pull of longing, taut and unyielding, mind circling on the boy unconsciously. Admittedly he has always been needlessly stubborn to cast them aside, personality too headstrong to own up to his feelings. His mind wanders to his half-completed painting, the picture demonstrating the underlying truth with every brush of colour.</p><p>“And now you know how he feels for you. That he’s so smitten with you that he would never entertain the thought of a breakup. Forever is overrated, of course, but his feelings have always been true. Don’t doubt the love you two hold for each other.”</p><p>“I’m such a shitty boyfriend,” Renjun concedes, guilt bubbling deep within. He has worked it out in his head repeatedly, to justify that he needed this, needed this break for some reprieve of the visceral fear and thoughts of ‘what if’. But the truth is, it was his paranoia and insecurities causing the strain in the relationship, he was already so certain of that foreseeable plausibility of them splitting regardless of whatever people or Jeno tell him. </p><p>This is what he’s good at, escaping from something he didn’t want to admit or confront, evading the realisation that his feelings for Jeno from their adolescence has evolved more than just a simple fondness for the boy. It scares him to think that these emotions may not be reciprocated. Thus, he holds any slight discord presented at first opportunity in their relationship liable and reason for a needed break.</p><p>He wasn’t honest to himself, to the members, and most importantly, Jeno. Jeno deserves an explanation for the confusing ordeal he has trapped the boy in. Maybe Jeno would back away like how he imagined, the thought of commitment too daunting for him, that their relationship is proceeding too intensely for comfort. But there is still a chance that he would reassure him that all his insecurities are unfounded. </p><p>He sorely hoped it’s the latter.</p><p>The pressure in his chest withers away, bringing a sense of calm that he hasn’t felt in months. His heart surges with steady determination, finally, he knows what he has to do, has to say. And he has Donghyuck to thank. </p><p>“Thank you, Donghyuck. My soulmate,” Renjun gratefully whispers, and a wide grin spreads across Donghyuck’s features.</p><p>“Don’t mention it. I hope you know what you’ve got to do now.”</p><p>He trains his eyes ahead to gaze at the street lights that flickered on, sun gradually setting on the city horizon. “Yes. I need to finish my painting.”</p><p>“Yup, you need to finish-” Donghyuck echoes but stops abruptly in bafflement. “Wait, what? What painting?”</p><p>“Come on,” Renjun starts moving, pulling to his feet. “I’ve got no time to waste.”</p><p>“WHAT FUCKING PAINTING?” Donghyuck yells, stumbling on his feet before he gives chase for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The new year came and went, and just like that, Jisung has grown one year older, and Chenle, well, he would find every opportunity to yell at everyone’s faces that he’s underaged no longer.</p><p>They’re given a short break before they embark on their world tour, albeit just cities in Asia, but ‘World’ tour just sounds more impressive according to the higher-ups. The dorm feels reasonably peaceful early in the day, eight to be precise, and the quietude is always a pleasant contrast to the bustle of noisy activity at night.</p><p>He’s packed his bags for a family trip to Jeju, but he’s not leaving till he bid goodbyes to his hyungs. He was nagged for weeks the last time he went on a trip and left without a word. (In his defence he has mentioned it countless of times, but Jaemin can be such a klutz.) His hyung was exceptionally devastated and thought he ran away in an act of rebellion. He didn’t expect Jaemin to video call him when he’s on the plane, and he hurriedly muted his phone in chagrin when the passengers in the vicinity heard his dreadful bawling from the speakers.</p><p>It’s better safe than sorry really. So he twists the doorknob to enter Jeno’s room, a quick word of ‘I’m leaving, hyung’ at the tip of his tongue. But the guy is nowhere to be seen, and Jisung is baffled. Did he already return home for the vacation? He scratches his head in bewilderment and scans his room. No, that’s <em>weird</em>, judging by his empty carrier, he hasn’t even started packing!</p><p>He scurries over to his shared room with Jaemin, nudging the boy on his arm continuously until he stirs. Jaemin blearily opens his eyes in mild irritation. “Go away…”</p><p>“Jeno hyung isn't in his room!”</p><p>Jaemin yawns inattentively and rubs at his sleep-filled eyes. “What?”</p><p>Jisung glares, irked. “You made me promise to say goodbye to everyone before I leave, didn’t you? But Jeno is missing! At this timing! Isn't it weird?”</p><p>“Huh?” Jaemin rises from his bed and shuffles clumsily on his feet. “Where did he go?” He ponders, bringing his hands on his hips in thought when he enters Jeno’s room, the room empty just as Jisung said. A glimpse into the bathroom also proves no result.</p><p>“Renjun might know…” Jaemin mumbles and backpedals out with Jisung following along, both headed for Renjun’s room to see if the boy might know a thing or two of Jeno’s disappearance. Jaemin swings the door open and scrunches his nose, the smell slightly disorientating when he caught the smell of Renjun’s painting materials first, though there’s an undertone of something unidentified laden in the air. He rubs his nose absentmindedly, the mordant odour of Renjun’s oil paints still takes some getting used to-</p><p>“WHAT THE FUCK?” Jaemin screams in outrage when he is presented with the scene of LEE fucking JENO butt-naked, limbs entangled around Renjun in all forms possible. </p><p>Making a split-second decision, he deftly slams the door on Jisung’s face so he can preserve the boy’s innocence from this…<em> immoral act</em>, may god have mercy for their souls. He bursts out in a string of profanities amid Jisung’s curious rappings on the door; yet Jeno still dares to languidly stretch himself awake, a marked contrast to his <em>wiser</em> boyfriend who scrambles up quickly from the commotion, gathering the duvet to cover their indiscreet exposure.</p><p>“Good morning.” Jeno drawls, a smirk etched across his features.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up. My b-baby Jisung... Our maknae almost saw this OBSCENITY.” Jaemin flares, this close to punching Jeno in the balls. He’s considering the benefits of causing irreversible impairment to his organ. Or impotency. Whichever is worse biologically.</p><p>“It’s never too early to learn,” Jeno smirks, smile sickly sweet.</p><p>Renjun glares exasperatedly at Jeno and drapes a t-shirt on his smug face before Jaemin throws something more hazardous at them.</p><p>Jaemin’s brows are raised in interrogation, and Renjun shuffles on his bed, a pink blush blooming on his cheeks. “Hi, Jaemin. Erm, I can explain myself.” He timidly pipes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>/Fourteen hours ago/</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>💖 Injunnieeeeeeee 💖 - [7.48 pm]</p><p>Hey Jeno</p><p>Come into my room when everyone’s sleeping</p><p>We need to talk</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That was three hours ago.</p><p>The texts come as a huge shock since Renjun has been evading him by going to his classes even more frequently recently. On days where he isn’t out for classes, he would be hiding in his room, only coming out for food or washing his paintbrushes in the bathroom. Judging by the frequent water splashes he picks up from the bathroom when Jeno lays sleepless in bed, Renjun even paints through the night. He honestly finds his recent fixation on painting curious, but he dare not probe. Not when Renjun’s vibe screams <em>‘DO NOT DISTURB’ </em>in big block letters.</p><p>After an appropriate sequence consisting of pacing around his room in a state of nerves, stress screaming into his pillow and chomping down on gummies that causes the cycle to repeat a few times as a result of the sugar rush, Jeno thinks he has calmed down to a reasonable degree to get himself ready for The Talk™.</p><p>He sent Renjun a light-hearted set of ‘Am I fucked?’ emojis that were regrettably left on read, his non-reply reply draining away all the foolery from his mind. This is fucking serious.</p><p>The coast is clear after opening his door to check on the fifth try. There's no more light peeking under the door of Jaemin and Jisung’s room, both of them likely turned in for the night. He closes his door and cautiously pads across the living area to Renjun’s room. Bracing himself with a sigh, he taps his knuckles on the door softly.</p><p>Renjun’s head peeps out seconds later when he opens the door to let him enter, and the first thing he notices is the dried paint smeared across his left cheek. </p><p>He makes his way into Renjun’s room, mouth agape at the haphazard sight. The clutter of paint tubes, dirty rags and used paintbrushes are scattered on the floor, the disparity jarring since Renjun’s neatness is usually a norm amongst the members.</p><p>“Woah, have you been to battle? Look, you even have a battle scar.” Jeno gestures his cheek and grabs a tissue for him.</p><p>“I have to finish the painting quickly, I didn’t have time to clean up,” Renjun mutters distractedly as he scans his room. He tilts his cheek forward, and Jeno did a double-take, heart thrumming. Gingerly he guides his head slightly to the right with his fingers and dabs the paint off his cheek with the tissue.</p><p>“Why the rush?” He asks.</p><p>“It’s a gift for you… because- I’m sorry Jeno.”</p><p>“Wha-” Jeno shrieks, caught off guard by the apology. His shoulders sag in mortification, hand falling from Renjun’s cheek. He runs amok instantly, all the negative scenarios playing in his head in a cruel slideshow. <em> Nooooooooooooo. </em></p><p>Renjun quickly puts a hand on his arms soothingly, and Jeno’s eyes fly open, panic-stricken. He stares at Renjun in muted silence, his heart pounding uselessly with the hope of <em>his promise</em>, frankly the only thing he has going right now.</p><p>“No no, Jeno. I’m sorry because… It’s my fault for wanting a cool off. I wasn’t being honest with you, and I’m sorry for putting you into it. That’s why… I wanted you to have this.”</p><p>Renjun hastily drags him by his arm to the centre of the room where a canvas is placed, and Jeno draws in a breath when he sees the painting. He gawks, open-mouthed, body rooted on the spot in absolute astoundment. The silence unsettles Renjun, and he unconsciously bit on his nails. “It’s my first time painting on a canvas, and I don’t think it’s very well done, I should have-”</p><p>“Renjun,” Jeno interjects, putting a finger on his lips to stop him. “Stop. This is amazing.”</p><p>He has never even imagined that he could be anyone’s muse, the thought so inconceivable that it is fucking insane that Renjun has chosen to paint him. He’s flabbergasted, and very, <em>very </em>flattered to see his likeness on the canvas. An inexplicable emotion rises from deep within, and he would risk sounding conceited, but the painting is what it is, a beautiful masterpiece. The drawing is of a deeply private moment, a scene when he’s asleep, only his side profile peeking out from the bed covers that expands out in colours resembling the starry night sky, his artistic flair transcending in the floatiest of hues. Renjun always has a good eye for colour, but he has clearly outdone himself.</p><p>He has no clue about techniques, but it doesn't matter anyway. All Jeno knows is with the harmonious blend of blues and yellows, the painting radiates a sense of peace and tranquillity with every continuous glance.</p><p>“I love this. I can’t believe all this time you’ve just been painting me. And it’s for me too… I’m so touched I'm gonna cry.” Jeno gushes and pretends to wipe a tear. He slides his hand into Renjun’s and squeezes. “What’s the message behind this painting?”</p><p>“My tutor said to draw anything I like… And you asleep is something of a bittersweet moment. It’s the last thing I see whenever I leave your room. I don’t know why, but it speaks to me the most.” Renjun pulls a face, cheeks reddening. </p><p>“Wow.” Jeno remarks as he sways Renjun’s arms remorsefully. “But I've been so mean to you. Why are you still so nice to me?"</p><p>"About that," Renjun mutters, his gaze sweeping his room. “Maybe you want to help me clean my room, atone for your wrongdoings?"</p><p>Jeno purses his lips, accepting the inevitable that Renjun has him wrapped around his finger.</p><p>“I can’t believe I got the raw end of the deal.” Jeno grunts subsequently. In a huff he bends down to pick the paintbrush nearest to him, prodding Renjun on his sides and cackling when he lets out a shriek of pain. “Just so you’re clear, I’m only letting you off because you’re good at art. If you painted the way Chenle and Jisung does, I would have left this room this very instant.”</p><p>Renjun smiles smugly. “I don’t think you would even if I was shitty at it though.”</p><p>Jeno falters, his words rendering him speechless. Unfortunately, he can’t dispute that. He’s completely right.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The last of the paint tubes are stored back into storage boxes, and Renjun pats his palms in satisfaction, his room finally tidy like how it originally was. On the other side of his room, Jeno is still surveying the canvas in childish wonder, digits stroking the surface of the canvas in rapt fascination.</p><p>“Come on. It’s late. Let's get in bed.”</p><p>Jeno widens his eyes, head whipping to stare. “You- your bed? You-”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t reply and turns off the lights, merely pulling Jeno with him onto the bed. Only his Moomin bed lamp is still switched on, the warm glow softly illuminating their faces. The bed’s a snugged fit for two adults, and in this distance, Renjun could detect the scepticism reflected in his orbs.</p><p>“Why? You don’t want this?” Renjun poses the question, and Jeno shakes his head hastily. </p><p>“No- fuck no! I want this,” Jeno squeezes Renjun’s hand resolutely. “But… does this mean we’re not on a cool-off period anymore?”</p><p>Renjun turns on his side and wriggles himself closer to Jeno, the gesture enough of an answer. “Never again. It was… stupid of me.”</p><p>He feels the reverberation of a sigh on Jeno’s chest, and his heart thrums against his ribcage when Jeno slinks his arms to pull him closer. It’s a wonder how he still hasn't gotten used to his touches.</p><p>“Thank heavens… But why? What changed your mind?”</p><p>Renjun draws circles on Jeno’s palm, purposely delaying the discussion just a few seconds longer.</p><p>“I thought I should stop being in denial and lie to you anymore.” Renjun peers up and Jeno’s brows furrow in question.</p><p>“I was terrified that I was falling too deeply in love with you even with our fights… Or maybe the fights made me even more insecure, I still don’t know. I hate that I upset you whenever we quarrel because I fear that the disappointment begets a certain disillusion of our relationship… I just couldn’t cope knowing that one day, we might go our separate ways, and with our fights, it was bound to happen sooner or later.” Renjun exhales shakily. Nevertheless, he continues.</p><p>“And I felt pathetic and weak. I didn’t want you to put up with me because of my stupid emotional baggage, so I thought the break would do some good, clear the negativity between us. Well, it sort of did, since you proclaimed to woo me back-” Jeno snorts and strokes Renjun’s cheek affectionately. “-But being the typical compulsive over-thinker I always was, the uneasiness persisted and I doubted your actions too.”</p><p>“My god Renjun. Why would you doubt that?”</p><p>“Because I love you Jeno,” Renjun whispers, the tempestuous flood of emotions raging in his heart finally released. “And I couldn’t have known if you feel the same. I was afraid, there's always the possibility you wouldn’t feel the same way since it’s both our first relationship, and it’s weird-”</p><p>Jeno swiftly dips down to press his lips against his, silencing him instantly. They kissed, softly at first, and then in a gradual intensity when Renjun yields into the kiss. The surging tide of relief makes him cling onto Jeno, his fists knotted into his shirt to pull him even closer. </p><p>When they pull apart for air, Jeno is looking at him so tenderly, his index wiping away a lone tear that Renjun didn’t even realise has traced down his cheek.</p><p>“I’m telling you now, so don’t ever doubt yourself or our relationship again.” Jeno chides, though there isn't any ire in his tone as he studies his self-doubting boyfriend. His stupid first love. <em>And yet, his everything. </em> </p><p>“I love you too Renjun. More than you can imagine.”</p><p>Unable to rein in his emotions anymore, the tears burst forth, unstoppable as it spills down on Renjun’s face. He covers his face with his forearm, apologies unceasing even when Jeno gently pries his arm away.</p><p>“Shhh, Injun. Babe, look at me.” Jeno cups Renjun’s face between his palms, and the boy finally makes eye contact, his watery eyes glistening under the dim light. “I know you’re still doubting it, so I’m telling you again. I love everything about you, I mean it. Like your pretty little brain? I love it.” He explains, smoothing the lines on Renjun's forehead with kitten kisses.</p><p>“You’re so smart, so thoughtful, and the kindest, even though you always act like you’re not. And god, you’re so unbelievably talented. How you manage to write your piano score and learn the instrument in just a few months, I will never know.” </p><p>Before Renjun could refute with an explanation, Jeno bends down to press his lips on his eyes, the gesture causing him to blink on reflex. “And your eyes. It’s like there are literal stars in them, and the way they are always glistening bright is so mesmerizing that I always find myself getting lost in them.” </p><p>Renjun’s sobs gradually die down when Jeno presses his lips on Renjun’s nose next, satisfied that his breath hitches at the gesture. “I also love your long and slender nose, though they are so unnecessarily bridged that I always have a hard time kissing you more deeply when things get well heated.”</p><p>There’s the subtle indention near the corner of Renjun’s mouth when the boy laughs, and he pecks the spot too. “I love this too, your dimple. I love it because that would mean you’re smiling, and there’s nothing I like more to make you laugh. Even though I fail miserably most of the time.”</p><p>“You are funny to me.” Renjun pouts, his voice sounding raspy. “Not conventional humour, but you do have your moments.”</p><p>“Do you get it now though? I still have about twenty things in my ‘Things I love about Renjun’ list if you need more convincing. The next one on the list would be your lips.” Jeno quips, his index pressing down on Renjun’s bottom lip with enough pressure so that his lips are parted, teeth showing.</p><p>Renjun cranes his neck up, his flustering cheeks in direct conflict of the glint of mischief in his gaze. “I don’t know, I’m quite curious to know what’s no. 17 in your list.”</p><p>Jeno snorts and captures Renjun’s lips, and he tells him, one at a time, proceeding downwards of his list figuratively, <em>and literally</em>. He presses kisses everywhere as he trails down, and not before long, words and clothes are nuisances, both in favour of action. It’s momentous this time, when Jeno dips down and takes all of him, loving the splendid lines and elegant curves when Renjun arches his back in pleasure. </p><p>The list fills up quickly with every discovery that he likes about Renjun in their shared moment. With every rocking rhythm they moved in unison, their bodies slick with perspiration as they cling together in fervent pleasure. And for every undulated movement that causes a spike of pleasure pooling in his gut he doesn’t stop reminding Renjun he’s the first boy he liked, when their hips meet and Renjun whimpers into his mouth he whispers with unfaltering veracity that he will be the last boy he will ever love.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> /Epilogue/ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>[NAVER] NCT, JENO AND RENJUN’S CLOSE FRIENDSHIP, SURPRISE WELCOME FOR CHINESE MEMBER AT INCHEON AIRPORT</p><p> </p><p>Posted 30 March 2023</p><p> </p><p>NCT Member Jeno’s appearance at the Incheon Airport has surprised many reporters and fans alike earlier today. The 23-year old is seen with his manager and security at Incheon Airport's arrival hall welcoming his NCT teammate Huang Renjun, also 23-year old, who has been promoting exclusively in China after their graduation of the teenager unit ‘NCT DREAM’ three years ago.</p><p>Their encounter was cheered by fans close by, both waving for the cameras in broad smiles after a warm-hearted embrace. The two NCT members promoted together in the teenager unit and gained many ‘noona’ and ‘mother’ fans with their hits such as ‘Chewing Gum’, ‘My First and Last’, ‘We Go Up’, and ‘Boom’.</p><p>SM Entertainment has confirmed in a shareholder’s presentation that a new unit under the ‘NCT’ brand is set in place for the next half of the year. Fans are speculating that the two graduated members of NCT Dream are part of the new unit after recent photos of them in public were posted on SNS.</p><p>With the China-South Korea Trade Agreement signed last month in place, excitement and interest are brewing for the next NCT unit that could potentially promote in both countries.</p><p> </p><p>[+2,377, -97] These two have always been close, haven’t they? My dreamies ㅠㅠ</p><p>[+1,878, -211] Their friendship transcends distances KOR x CHN ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Jeno’s sasaengs say he visits China often for his vacations, they must have met. </p><p>[+980, -22] I’ve waited for 3 years, please let them promote together again SM ㅠㅡㅠ</p><p>[+582, -219] The blind item about a gay couple… Looks like it could be them ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ<br/>
↳ [+299, -89] It’s an animal’s kingdom ㅋㅋ There must be more than one couple in NCT. It’s obvious.</p><p>↳ [+101, -390] Fuck— Nooooo, they can't be gay!!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeno very much prefers to have Renjun’s time all for himself, but Donghyuck and Jaemin wanted to meet Renjun too, and just like that, it became a Dream get-together on the same day Renjun arrived back in Seoul. The benefits of three consecutive title hits meant that they can book the entire barbecue restaurant and eat in comfort without caring about their appearances.</p><p>Alas, Jeno is shoved unceremoniously the moment he arrives with Renjun by Jaemin and Donghyuck, both utterly impassive and unbothered even as he spits obscenities at them.</p><p>They glue themselves on Renjun’s sides, catching up on life and gossip, an hour passed with no signs of the conversation tapering anytime soon. Presently Jeno can only sulk across them, grilling innocent pieces of pork with such agitation the cooked meat can easily pass off as chunks of asphalt. </p><p>The stack of charred meat proves useful eventually though. Or perhaps it was his veiled threat about how ‘pork wouldn’t be the only thing that he will be burning in the restaurant’ if they continue hogging Renjun’s attention. They relinquish the boy immediately, and he’s finally smiling for the first time after entering the restaurant when Renjun exchanges seat with Chenle to sit right next to him.</p><p>“Ahh,” Jeno calls, directing the<em> ssam </em>near Renjun’s lips. Renjun chuckles and accepts the wrap, his mouth open wide. As Renjun chews soundlessly he makes one for him too, and Jeno accepts it with so much enthusiasm he almost devours his fingers too.</p><p>Chenle glares at the exchange across them, body shuddering with disdain. “Ugh, you guys are gross.” He downs his glass of alcohol in one gulp.</p><p>“I can’t even feed my boyfriend whom I’ve not met for six months? Sit somewhere else then if you’re going to be mean.” Jeno shrieks, bits of food projecting out from his mouth.</p><p>“Your combined ages are like fifty.” Jisung deadpans. “Maybe you want to keep the PDA to a minimum? We’re still eating after all.”</p><p>Renjun slaps him on his lap. “Don’t tell us what to do, maknae.”</p><p>“I’m not even the youngest anymore-” Jisung groans, but they have already tuned out his complaints, both happily staring into each other’s eyes in great bursts of affection.</p><p>Donghyuck and Jaemin share a look of amusement; both studying the couple being their familiar clingy and inseparable selves, oblivious to the sufferings of the others present with (heart) eyes only for each other. They’re glad that nothing much has changed between them, if anything, they’re even worse now compared to when they just started dating.</p><p>“You guys have all the time in the world now to be disgustingly in love. Tame it down you two. I’m eating.” Jaemin whines.</p><p>Renjun regards him for several seconds before he turns around in an enigmatic grin, eyes twinkling as he gazes fondly at Jeno. “All the time in the world huh. Sounds like a great plan, don’t you think?”</p><p>"A perfect plan indeed." Jeno splits into a lopsided smile, face inching forward to press a long and satisfying kiss amidst sounds of protests and groans from the table. They pull apart, foreheads resting and Renjun giggles shyly. Jeno holds with solemn clarity, that he wouldn't trade his time with Renjun for anything in the world. </p><p>He's his first and last after all.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ღ Comment and kudos appreciated! ღ</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/dyoinjun">Twitter</a>  |  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/dyoinjun">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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